Happy Orange Gnome

I’m currently in Nova Scotia. In the airport on the way here a man talked to me while I was buying some Vitamin Water. Apperently he was on the same plane as me, because, according to my mom, he sat across from us when we stopped at the terminal in Winnipeg. I didn’t even notice him. This probably made him sad. Things like this happen a lot. I hardly ever notice the people that notice me.

A disturbing amount of the women in Nova Scotia are going bald. Also, way too many of these people are missing teeth. My mother says that it’s because they’re a bunch of inbred diabetics. I laughed.

Went to see the Watchmen movie tonight. It was good to see Mr. Manhattan’s uncircumcised penis. Hollywood’s lack of foreskin disturbs me. Now they just need to bring pubic hair back.

We also watched Nights in Rodanthe. Why was James Franco in it. WHY!?

Why do I watch the Academy Awards every year? I usually haven’t seen very many of the movies that get nominated. I don’t really care that much about what people are wearing. And watching a bunch of elitist dinks congratulate themselves for being elitist dinks makes me kind of ill.

Also, what does a dead dude need an oscar for? And why wasn’t George Carlin in your “In Memoriam” dealy. He has in like 4 movies, dude.

That hat was a toque. Not a beanie.

I hate you people, all of you poeple. EVERYONE!

Sooooo… Last year, I decided I’d really step my game up oral-health-wise. You know, flossing and mouthwash every single day. And, this year, I go to the dentist and I am told I have six cavities that need filling. According to the dentist, my oral hyigene is really good, but I have really deep crevices that are impossible to reach or some shit (I do get seeds caught in them with alarming frequency). Anyhoo, all the cavities were single-surface, which I hear is the best kind of cavity to have. I need to stop eating so much sugar and acid (I mostly eat meat? (Anemia?)). (Is it true that orange juice has more acid than pop? Someone google this for me. I am too lazy.)

Actually, apparently, I might’ve had these cavities for years, because, according to my mom, my old dentist didn’t believe in filling in tiny cavities, preferring to wait and see if they got bigger. My new dentist likes to fill in cavities before they get bigger. One of the black dots he’s going to fill, I’m pretty sure I’ve had for about 10 years.

And, I might be getting my wisdom teeth out. I don’t think they’ll be coming in all the way anyway. Damn bacteria factories.

In other news, two years ago, I had a really bad experience with some asshole landlords and their asshole apartment managers.  Now the government says I deserve a tax credit for the rent I paid to them. The only problem is that I have to obtain records from the landlords to get the credit. I don’t think that the credit is worth enough to warrant dealing with these douches again, my mother disagrees. Someone remind me to stop letting other people read my mail.

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My mother’s husband’s children don’t know who our current primeminister is. They’re all in their teens. I’d blame the school system, but I know it’s most likely their parents’ fault.

PARENTING PROTIP: Old people, if you create a generation of slobbering ignorami, I’m getting the  “Murder She Wrote” reruns taken off the air.

Well, that’s not really a tip so much as a threat.

I just realised that this is the last year that there will be teenagers born in the 80’s kicking around. I officially have to stop associating with people under 20.

BTW, bring back Animaniacs, so that these weirdos born in the 90’s can know what a real cartoon is like. Screw the animu.

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I can’t sleep again. And so I write.

I’ve just read some H.P. Lovecraft for the first time. The only thing terrifying about it was how crazy racist Lovecraft was. Seriously, the douche refers to various brown peoples as mongrels and ape-like, he seems to have some sort of vendetta against the Congo, and, in one story, some dude owns a cat called “Nigger-Man”. And how the shit do you pronounce “Cthulhu” anyway? Douche.

My family is celebrating Christmas again, despite the fact that we’re all either atheists or pagans. We even have a nativity scene dealie, even though my mother believes that Jesus was an alien and his ascension toward Heaven was really just him being beamed up to the mothership. I think Saturnalia would be a much better winter solstice festival for us. No, not Festivus. We already have enough of the “Airing of Grievances” over the holidays.

Whatever happened to that “Girl Power” fad? Girls these days are defining their self-worth by how pretty and slutty the boys think they are  and it makes me want to burn all the Bratz dolls. Also, burn these girls. Burning.

Anyhoo, melatonin time.

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Hey! Look at all this shit I have woven!

It’s an octopus! Ooogogitty boooggitityy!

It’s a hoody! Blargh!

They’re friendship bracelets! GRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAWWWWWLLLL!

It’s a bolero jacket! Shiisisisisisisis!

It’s a scarf! Ding DONG!

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Hi United Statesian politicians. A lot of you have been knocking Socialism. This doesn’t make much sense to me. Varying degrees of socialism are present in all systems of government. For a country to be completely free of socialism they would have to remove all government and privatise everything. The entire point of a having a government at all is to centralise power and to collect and redistribute money and resources. So my point here will not be whether your government should be socialist or not, but rather that it should more socialist.

So, here we go, kiddies, some reasons why socialism is the awesomest.

Health care for everyone. This one pretty much goes without saying. Basically, if I were to crawl out of my igloo, slip on the ice and crack my head open,  I can get me noggin patched up for free.  Plus, medication costs less for when we do have to pay for it. No $80 bottles of Baby Tylenol for us. There are very few situations where I would have to choose between my health and not being in a lifetime of debt.

School funding by size. A 1000 student school in a poor area gets the same funding from the government as a 1000 student student school in a rich area. Well, it’s a bit more complicated than that, involving some sort of strange formula, but since funding is based on need (not property taxes), most of the disparity in quality of education is from whether or not the school hired douchebags as teachers.

Federally operated prisons. Since no one profits from people reoffending (the goverment just loses more money), there is more of an incentive to rehabilitate people. Seriously, why would anyone privatise their prisons? The mind fucking boggles. The same goes for privatising the military. I hate you people so much.

I think I had a few more examples, but I’m getting tired and incoherent. Hit more for some selected jabberings about other stuff I hate in the US right now.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Species: Romerolagus Diazi

Name: Feleesha Moonflower VII

Age: 1738 (that’s combining all the lives I’ve lived)

Sex: mostly female .

Sexual Orientation: ambiguous

Spouse: Mr. Dr. M.G. Dillingham (ESQ.) (a new-souled albatross)

Soultwin: Andrea Cottontail Foxtrot (an old-souled pygmy marmoset)

Slave: Griffinderp Fallowtoe (a little bitch )

Mortal Enemy: Emo Phillips

Favourite Drink: orange kool-aid and whiskey

Favourite Movie: Sonic OVA

Weakness: bottled moonlight

Powerword: Spatula! (LOL)

Favourite Colour: aubergine

Good Deeds Until I Earn My Wings: 47

Religion: Therianthropy

Magic Item: The wind sphere of Atillion

Speeds on my bicycle: 10

Homeland: The rolling plains of Neryvis Meadow

Hobby: Fighting off bad vibes from hairless apes

Organizations: PETA, Anthropomorphic Diversity Support Association, MADD, The Avian/Mammalian Alliance, Otherkin for Barack Obama 08, the Furistan Commando Force

Yiffually Transmitted Diseases: lycanthropy, FIV, monkeypox

Clothing: optional

Jedi Lightsaber Technique: Vaapad

Favourite Book Series: Animorphs

Secret Crush: Scooby-Doo

Fursuit Progress: 84% (I’m having trouble finding enough yak fur)

Weapon of Choice: the Thompson Persuader

Patron Diety: Ah-Muzen-Cab

Clan: Nakatomi

Guardian Angel: Timothy Treadwell

Favourite “Star Trek” race: the Gorns

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