I had this dream once where I was the beef patty in a hamburger and along came the Hamburglar to try and steal me. I called out to Ronald McDonald for help, but when he turned around to look at me, he had no face. The Hamburglar ended up stealing me, but instead of eating me, he threw me in the air and I flew up and up and up, until I hit the moon.
ROBBLE ROBBLE ROBBLE ROBBLE
This is a shout-out to all my Anna and Mia sisters out there. If you ever feel like the fight is too hard and you’d just like to give up and eat a sandwich, then take some thinspiration from this:
If you ever, ever, eat a sandwich you’ll end up all fat and jolly and children the world over will love you! Is that what you want!? You want greasy little mongrets shoving their sticky fingers in your jellyrolls, while they whisper their Christmas wishes in your ear!? Huh!? No, I don’t think that’s what you want.
If you ever eat a sandwich, I’ll come to your house and kill you. KILL. YOU.
I wrote a poem about how being Anna makes me feel!
Fat Butterfly
I am a fat butterfly
I cannot fly
Sandwiches have weighed me down
I will stop eating them forever
Yay!
Goodbye for now, my sisters. I hope you all reach your goals, or die trying!
I don’t think that I’d like to partake in any activity that would literally make any part of my body melt off, but all the workout machine and diet infomercials claim that an extreme amount of melting action will take place, if I use their product.
If you want your rolls of fat to literally melt off, then just open up the ark of the covenant, assholes.
I saw this creepy advertisement, but I didn’t click it. I honestly don’t want to know what kind of meal made this scary fat man exclaim, “Oh my goodness!” Even if it was, indeed, the best meal ever.
In Canada we have many different kinds of sales tax. Like the GST (goods and services tax) and the HST (harmonized sales tax), which follows the same rules as the GST. Either the GST or the HST apply to all the provinces but none of the territories. The sales tax applies to almost all consumer goods purchased except those deemed as essential like: basic groceries, prescription drugs etc., which are exempted. All the goods that are not exempted are considered luxury goods.
Funny thing, tampons and sanitary napkins are not exempted from the GST and HST.
Now, I may be crazy, but I wouldn’t exactly call stemming the flow of the river of blood from my vagina a luxury. No, I’d probably call it, oh I don’t know… a NECESSITY!?
The government doesn’t seem to it’s a necessity though, even though they exempt adult diapers and incontinence pads from the GST and HST.
“Alright, we won’t tax you if you’re leaking piss or shit, but if you start to leak blood, then that’s just going too far, bitches!”
Pretty much every female between the ages of 13 and 45 menstruates and the government saw this as a steady stream of income that that they could take advantage of. A vagina tax, if you will.
I almost got upset that there was no penis tax, but then I remembered that porno mags and video games are taxed. That should more than make up for it, right?
I’ve set up a new adoption centre on the sidebar. It’s for characters!
Don’t you love characters? You wouldn’t want a bunch of characters to go without a family would you? You’re not a monster are you?
You had better adopt a character right now then!
We took my grandmother to the dentist and there was a fish tank in the waiting room.
There was this scary looking lady standing with her noise pressed up against the glass of the tank and she was saying things like: “These fish can’t possibly be happy!” “How would you like it if you were locked up all your life!?” “How can the people that run this place be so monumentally evil!?”
She had a horrible flaky bald patch on the side of her head, smelled of doodie and thought that the best way to prepare for a dentist’s appointment was to chew thousands of mints (the kind that are almost entirely sugar) with her mouth gaping open.
I think she’s right. We should let the fish go free and put her in a tank.
Please get better Ebert. Roper is a gimp.
Your manic stories gave me ADHD and the “s” in your name screwed up my spelling for many years.
Also, you look pretty crappy without the beard. Grow it back!
Robert Munsch
