Happy Orange Gnome

For something to have meaning there must be an intelligence behind whatever the thing is that decides what it is and what its purpose is.

Since life is merely the result of matter and energy coming together randomly in just the right combinations, at just the right time (a coincidence) and not the result of some god, life has no intelligence behind it and can’t have any meaning.

Some people would see not being born with a meaning as quite freeing. They can decide what the purpose of their life is for themselves, but ultimately whatever reason their life had will be lost when they die and all memory of their lives is lost.

Bloodlines die out, history books crumble to dust and eventually the universe itself will end due to entropy. Everybody’s accomplishments will be erased, so there can’t be any point in doing anything in the first place.

And that’s why I’m not getting my lazy ass off the couch for the rest of the summer.

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So this guy comes knocking at our door (during dinner) and he asks us if we’re the ones that are stealing his wireless internet. We tell him that we aren’t and he grumbles off.

I did some sleuthing (I clicked the scan button on my wireless network dealy) and I’m pretty sure that the guy didn’t even bother configuring his network at all (unless he thought that naming it “linksys” and having no password was a good idea).

PROTIP: It’s easier to set a password than it is to track the people stealing your wireless signal down.

• Theft is a Justifiable Means of Acquiring Sustenance (0)

You know, there was a time when I wanted to become an artist and then I drew this…

The thought of a bunch of educated jerks gathering this and seriously critiquing it sickens me. There is no deeper meaning to “Penis on a Sunny Day”. It’s exactly what the title says it is. I have a complete inability to add any pretension to any of my drawings or paintings, which is why I can’t be an artist.

Also, cocks…

• Why is Nudity Newsworthy? (4)

Dude, when I was a youngin, Passion Flakies were just called Flakies! I totally don’t get the name change. I mean a Flakie sounds like a cool guy that I could just hang around in my basement watching television with, but a Passion Flakie sounds like a greasy guy that would have a moustache and try to use a fake Spanish accent to try and seduce me.

I would be all like, “Screw off Passion Flakie“, but Passion Flakie would be all like, “Your mouth says no, but your eyes say yes!” and then I would slap Passion Flakie.

Also, Passion Flakies sounds like the name of a romance novel about two people with psoriasis falling in love!

Screw Passion Flakies! Jos. Louis is where it’s at!

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Pppffff… Who are those Hansons kidding? With their identical haircuts and their mmmbopping and their “oooohhhh, look at us! We’re all brothers that play instruments!” Plus, who in their right mind would name one of their sons Zac and the other one Isaac!?

The only brothers that play instruments that could ever capture my heart would have to be The Moffatts. For one thing, they’re Canadian. You gotta give them props for coming from a sane country! Another thing, three out of four of them are triplets, which makes it much more likely that you could manage a ménage à quatre with them. And finally, they all have different haircuts and identities, unlike those stupid Hanson clones.

In conclusion, you should buy The Moffatts CDs and then help me assassinate the Hansons!

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