Happy Orange Gnome

After years and years of searching, I have finally found a package of underwear that contains just black underwear. Previously, the most I could ever hope for was a package with one black pair, one white pair, one striped pair and one with some cutesy pattern with bunnies or something.

I have never understood why almost all men’s underwear comes in monotone packs, but women’s underwear comes in insane variety packs where nothing matches.

What kind of grown woman would be caught dead wearing bunny pattern underwear anyway?  Or do they wear it just because the only alternative is $10 single pairs?

Whatever. Now I’m going to go search for some reasonably priced black bras.

I prolly won’t find any.

I feel really sorry for the great leaders and role models in our society. Having to compose oneself with dignity and virtuosity 24/7 doesn’t sound like an easy or enjoyable way to live to me.

Being the scum of the Earth, I take a lot of things for granted. I can dress in torn clothing, not comb my hair and fart in the company of others, all without being knocked down a peg.

You can’t get much lower than scum.

Sidney  Poitier, however, being a very important role model for black people, has way too much riding on his ass to be seen farting. If Sidney Poitier farts, it will be all over the news the next day, the civil rights movement will be knocked back 10 years and his illustrious career will be all but forgotten, just because of the the simple act of passing gass.

So, the next time you fart in your friend’s face or entrap your wife in a Dutch oven, remember to think of all those poor dignified folks that retained their farts so you wouldn’t have to.