Happy Orange Gnome

I’ve just had one of the worst experiences of my life.

I was eating Halloween candy from last year, when I bit into a clove-flavoured Necco Wafer and promptly burst into flames.

Why the Hell would anyone make clove-flavoured candy!? That’s like the most evil thing that anyone could possibly do!

Cloves are only for sticking into oranges and making those stupid drawer fresheners. They are NOT for eating! They are especially not to be used to flavour candy!

GRAAAAAAWWWWHHHH!

I had this dream once where I was the beef patty in a hamburger and along came the Hamburglar to try and steal me. I called out to Ronald McDonald for help, but when he turned around to look at me, he had no face. The Hamburglar ended up stealing me, but instead of eating me, he threw me in the air and I flew up and up and up, until I hit the moon.

ROBBLE ROBBLE ROBBLE ROBBLE

• Hi, are you stealing my interwebs of the air? (4)

This is a shout-out to all my Anna and Mia sisters out there. If you ever feel like the fight is too hard and you’d just like to give up and eat a sandwich, then take some thinspiration from this:

If you ever, ever, eat a sandwich you’ll end up all fat and jolly and children the world over will love you! Is that what you want!? You want greasy little mongrets shoving their sticky fingers in your jellyrolls, while they whisper their Christmas wishes in your ear!? Huh!? No, I don’t think that’s what you want.

If you ever eat a sandwich, I’ll come to your house and kill you. KILL. YOU.

I wrote a poem about how being Anna makes me feel!

Fat Butterfly
I am a fat butterfly
I cannot fly
Sandwiches have weighed me down
I will stop eating them forever
Yay!

Goodbye for now, my sisters. I hope you all reach your goals, or die trying!

I saw this creepy advertisement, but I didn’t click it. I honestly don’t want to know what kind of meal made this scary fat man exclaim, “Oh my goodness!” Even if it was, indeed, the best meal ever.

Seriously, it dunna taste like the real sugar eh!?