Happy Orange Gnome

I saw this creepy advertisement, but I didn’t click it. I honestly don’t want to know what kind of meal made this scary fat man exclaim, “Oh my goodness!” Even if it was, indeed, the best meal ever.

In Canada we have many different kinds of sales tax. Like the GST (goods and services tax) and the HST (harmonized sales tax), which follows the same rules as the GST. Either the GST or the HST apply to all the provinces but none of the territories. The sales tax applies to almost all consumer goods purchased except those deemed as essential like: basic groceries, prescription drugs etc., which are exempted. All the goods that are not exempted are considered luxury goods.

Funny thing, tampons and sanitary napkins are not exempted from the GST and HST.

Now, I may be crazy, but I wouldn’t exactly call stemming the flow of the river of blood from my vagina a luxury. No, I’d probably call it, oh I don’t know… a NECESSITY!?

The government doesn’t seem to it’s a necessity though, even though they exempt adult diapers and incontinence pads from the GST and HST.

“Alright, we won’t tax you if you’re leaking piss or shit, but if you start to leak blood, then that’s just going too far, bitches!”

Pretty much every female between the ages of 13 and 45 menstruates and the government saw this as a steady stream of income that that they could take advantage of. A vagina tax, if you will.

I almost got upset that there was no penis tax, but then I remembered that porno mags and video games are taxed. That should more than make up for it, right?

• Herpes and other Deal Breakers (0)

I’ve set up a new adoption centre on the sidebar. It’s for characters!

Don’t you love characters? You wouldn’t want a bunch of characters to go without a family would you? You’re not a monster are you?

You had better adopt a character right now then!

We took my grandmother to the dentist and there was a fish tank in the waiting room.

There was this scary looking lady standing with her noise pressed up against the glass of the tank and she was saying things like: “These fish can’t possibly be happy!” “How would you like it if you were locked up all your life!?” “How can the people that run this place be so monumentally evil!?”

She had a horrible flaky bald patch on the side of her head, smelled of doodie and thought that the best way to prepare for a dentist’s appointment was to chew thousands of mints (the kind that are almost entirely sugar) with her mouth gaping open.

I think she’s right. We should let the fish go free and put her in a tank.

• Quadroon!? (0)

Please get better Ebert. Roper is a gimp.

Your manic stories gave me ADHD and the “s” in your name screwed up my spelling for many years.

Also, you look pretty crappy without the beard. Grow it back!
Robert Munsch

• Herpes and other Deal Breakers (0)
• Annoying Nomenclature (0)

My mother and I were having a conversation about what technology would be like in the future.

I said that I hoped that soon they could put my brain in a tank so that I could destroy my enemies.

My mom said, “No, your brain is too cute to be put in a tank.”

It’s true; my brain is pretty damned cute.

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