Posts Tagged ‘heaven’

December Update

Sunday, December 14th, 2008

I can’t sleep again. And so I write.

I’ve just read some H.P. Lovecraft for the first time. The only thing terrifying about it was how crazy racist Lovecraft was. Seriously, the douche refers to various brown peoples as mongrels and ape-like, he seems to have some sort of vendetta against the Congo, and, in one story, some dude owns a cat called “Nigger-Man”. And how the shit do you pronounce “Cthulhu” anyway? Douche.

My family is celebrating Christmas again, despite the fact that we’re all either atheists or pagans. We even have a nativity scene dealie, even though my mother believes that Jesus was an alien and his ascension toward Heaven was really just him being beamed up to the mothership. I think Saturnalia would be a much better winter solstice festival for us. No, not Festivus. We already have enough of the “Airing of Grievances” over the holidays.

Whatever happened to that “Girl Power” fad? Girls these days are defining their self-worth by how pretty and slutty the boys think they areĀ  and it makes me want to burn all the Bratz dolls. Also, burn these girls. Burning.

Anyhoo, melatonin time.

Only 72?

Friday, May 4th, 2007

I’m thinking that if I was spending eternity in paradise, that I’d want more than just 72 virgins. I’d want an infinite amount of virgins.

Even if I got bored of virgins, I’d probably want to deflower another one every 1000 years or so, just for kicks.

Eventually though, I’d probably start wondering where all the virgins were coming from. I mean, only so many people that die are actually virgins. Maybe God creates new ones in Heaven just for the enjoyment of the righteous?