Happy Orange Gnome

On Canadian television we have Heritage Minutes, which are one minute spots, aired during commercial breaks, that are meant to highlight an important person and/or event in Canadian history. Except for one spot, which is meant to terrify young children:

Gee, thank you, CBC, for airing this during the breaks in Sesame Street. It’s not like a freaky, flying and flaming demon would haunt the dreams of a little girl, eh!? Eh, you bastards!?

Also, I object to this being one of the A Part of Our Heritage series, seeing as it isn’t an actual event that happened. I don’t even know what the Hell it’s supposed to be about. It’s just some weird story about antiwar tree hugging noble savages.

Apparently, it has something to due with the formation of the Iroquois Confederacy, but it’s a complete misrepresentation of the actually events. The formation of the Iroquois Confederacy was mostly political in origin and was not, in fact, in any way mystical.

*Shakes fist*

• Herpes and other Deal Breakers (0)

Lately, I’ve been watching a lot of television (the outdoors is currently cold and unpleasant) and I’ve noticed a disturbing trend in the herpes medication commercials. Mainly, that there are so many couples featured in them.

I don’t know about you, but if I found out that my husband had herpes, he wouldn’t remain my husband for very much longer. In fact, I’d probably murder his sorry ass and I sure as Hell wouldn’t let him anywhere near my vagina ever again, even if he was taking Valtrex to control his outbreaks (ew ew ew fucking ew!)

Generally speaking, if you have periodic outbreaks of anything, I’m going to pitch you to the curve. Outbreaks are a deal breaker for me.

For example, I would be extremely displeased with periodic outbreaks of choreographed song and dance with the villagers. Those villagers must toil day and night in my mines and fields, if we are to achieved the quotas set forth by the Five Year Plan.

I AM NOT GOING TO HAVE STALIN MURDER MY ASS AGAIN!

That reminds me. Being Joseph Stalin is also a deal breaker for me.

I just really hate moustaches. Although, I am impartial to beards with moustaches, but not without moustaches.

I’m weird like that.

Can someone please send me some gauze? I think my brain is leaking out my ear!

• Vagina Tax (0)
• Only 72? (0)
• I Hate You, Robert Munsch! (0)
• A Part of Our Heritage: Freaky Flame Demons and Magic Trees (0)