Happy Orange Gnome

Lately, I’ve been watching a lot of television (the outdoors is currently cold and unpleasant) and I’ve noticed a disturbing trend in the herpes medication commercials. Mainly, that there are so many couples featured in them.

I don’t know about you, but if I found out that my husband had herpes, he wouldn’t remain my husband for very much longer. In fact, I’d probably murder his sorry ass and I sure as Hell wouldn’t let him anywhere near my vagina ever again, even if he was taking Valtrex to control his outbreaks (ew ew ew fucking ew!)

Generally speaking, if you have periodic outbreaks of anything, I’m going to pitch you to the curve. Outbreaks are a deal breaker for me.

For example, I would be extremely displeased with periodic outbreaks of choreographed song and dance with the villagers. Those villagers must toil day and night in my mines and fields, if we are to achieved the quotas set forth by the Five Year Plan.

I AM NOT GOING TO HAVE STALIN MURDER MY ASS AGAIN!

That reminds me. Being Joseph Stalin is also a deal breaker for me.

I just really hate moustaches. Although, I am impartial to beards with moustaches, but not without moustaches.

I’m weird like that.

Can someone please send me some gauze? I think my brain is leaking out my ear!

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In Canada we have many different kinds of sales tax. Like the GST (goods and services tax) and the HST (harmonized sales tax), which follows the same rules as the GST. Either the GST or the HST apply to all the provinces but none of the territories. The sales tax applies to almost all consumer goods purchased except those deemed as essential like: basic groceries, prescription drugs etc., which are exempted. All the goods that are not exempted are considered luxury goods.

Funny thing, tampons and sanitary napkins are not exempted from the GST and HST.

Now, I may be crazy, but I wouldn’t exactly call stemming the flow of the river of blood from my vagina a luxury. No, I’d probably call it, oh I don’t know… a NECESSITY!?

The government doesn’t seem to it’s a necessity though, even though they exempt adult diapers and incontinence pads from the GST and HST.

“Alright, we won’t tax you if you’re leaking piss or shit, but if you start to leak blood, then that’s just going too far, bitches!”

Pretty much every female between the ages of 13 and 45 menstruates and the government saw this as a steady stream of income that that they could take advantage of. A vagina tax, if you will.

I almost got upset that there was no penis tax, but then I remembered that porno mags and video games are taxed. That should more than make up for it, right?

• Herpes and other Deal Breakers (0)